Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I woke up on Friday knowing I would probably not get much work (if any) done the whole day. The Redskins vs. Patriots game was at 7:30 or 8 pm or something which gave me 10+ hours to twiddle my thumbs in anticipation and stress about how much work I should be doing. I did this from my couch, wondering if anyone would pass by my office and notice I wasn't there (they did).

It was a rainy Friday, just like gameday the week before. I was initially very upset about this. If I'm going to skip a whole day of work for a Skins game I expect to get in some intense tailgating complete with melt your face off sunshine. No such luck today. I put in 2-3 hours of semi-solid work which I think is pretty impressive considering I wasn't planning on doing any hours of work. Guilt is a very powerful motivator.

I shower, round up every article of burgundy and gold clothing I own, grab two bottles of wine, check to make sure the corkscrew is in the car (it is), thank myself profusely for putting rainguards on my windows the other week and head out to pick up Jenna J (no, not a porn star), JC and Devin. We meet Whit at my parents house to grab the tickets. As I'm getting the tickets from inside and talking to my mom (or so I think) I notice she isn't responding to anything I'm saying. I am completely talking to myself. I go outside and find my mother chatting up my car full of friends which would normally be totally fine... but not today. Today my car is "bar car" and all my friends are drinking since we're running a little late for tailgating. Mom's not a fan of bar car. Mom now thinks I'm an alcoholic in desperate need of new friends. Splendid. Moving on.

By the time we get to the stadium we're all pretty much drunk. Hmmm... Mom may be right... Anyways I'm really excited because it's a little chilly which normally I would hate but not when I'm dying to wear my new "Chris Cooley Is My Life Coach" sweatshirt. Rain or no rain I could not be happier.

We all decide that we're ready to go in. This will mark the first time that I have ever gotten into the stadium without having to sprint to my section to see kickoff. We chill around the endzone bar and get some drinks. By "some drinks" I mean we take shots of tequila. It wasn't my idea but I'm not one to turn down free alcohol. Whit sees a group of 6 police officers huddled in the corridor. She approaches them to take a picture of us and begins chatting (she's intrigued by the popo).

After a couple minutes we find out that the policeman she's talking to is a Pats fan. I step back in utter horror, "But... but you work for the Redskins!" I look with wide eyes to the rest of the officers for support, motioning wildly, clearly distraught. "Don't look at me," says the one next to me, "I'm a Cowboys fan." GASP, "NO!" I take a step back and look at the officer next to Cowboys fan, "What about you?!" I say with a desperate whimper in my voice, hoping against all hope to find one Skins fan in the bunch. "Same... Cowboys fan."

My eyes reach their full wideness (and wildness) and I just begin pointing at the remaining officers to find out which team they root for. Bengals, Bengals, 49ers. I take a few more steps back and look at Whit and Jenna who seem to not be bothered by this in the slightest. I feel deeply betrayed and am almost certain that I would feel this way even if I was completely sober. JC and Devin walk up from the bar, "What's wrong?" they ask to the girl who looks like she just saw a ghost (that's me), "NONE of them are Skins fans!!" I scream and point at them in tattle-tale fashion, "Pats, Cowboys, Cowboys, Bengals, Bengals and 49ers! It's just NOT RIGHT!!"

"It's ok boo" says JC, "Let's go get another drink." I'm swayed. I'm so easy sometimes. As we walk away I glare daggers at all the cops, mentally daring them to say something about the Redskins. They don't. I notice Whit and Jenna are still talking to them. Traitors.

I glance at my phone, "OMG WE GOTTA GO!" I scream for Whit and Jenna and begin sprinting towards my section (I guess I'll be doing this no matter what time I get in the stadium). I glance to see if my friends are following and Whit runs straight into my drink knocking it all over me. How can I be mad when she's so enthusiastic and it's 30 seconds to kickoff? I cannot. We laugh and pick up the pace to an all out race. Parents with small children beware.

We scream, "See you at halftime!" to JC and Devin and dart into section 126.

Jenna was pumped because she had never been to a Pats game. Did I mention Jenna's a Patriots fan? I'm not sure how much of her fanaticalness (word?) is due to the hotness of Tom Brady and how much is due to actual... fan-like feelings? Hmmm. I know she wasn't born in New England so scratch that off the list. I also know she loves her some Tom Brady. So let's blame it on Tom. I bet we could blame many of the worlds issues on Tom. I was excited (as was Whit) because I knew the starters were going to be in for half the game. So like half the game was basically a real game that just didn't count. To me though it's not about wins and losses (bold-faced lie), but seriously guys... it's about performance and pride (and wins and losses).

Lucky for us this is just preseason because as you all know we lost. We did, however, rack up some serious pride points and put on one hell of a performance. Jason Campbell... didn't I say the boy could throw down field!??!!! DIDN'T I!?! Can we do that ALL SEASON PLEASE!? Everyone say it... "You were right Heather". If you don't want to say it now, that's fine. You can tell me at the end of the season. Either way, you'll be saying it. Ohhhh yes, you'll be saying it.

Holy Native Americans, Campbell's pass to Moss was unbelievable! Santana is back!!! How he stayed in bounds is beyond me. Snaps for Moss for getting his feet down on the play. And who is this Marko Mitchell?? Why was I unaware of this player before? And Marcus Mason? Where did these boys come from?? Are these the missing puzzle pieces? The Redskins finally meshed well! I get chills thinking about it.

Santana's not the only one who's back. Standing ovation for Mr. Chris Cooley (hey boy heyyyy). He owned that field Friday night. His 73 yard gain was B-E-A-Utiful. I vaguely remember him having another long pass that was either overthrown or a little off... but I might be making that up... that might have been a pass to Kelly... or another to Moss? I can't remember. Cooley looked like a machine running down the field though, I remember that. We all screamed, "COOOOOOOOOOOOOOLEY!!" and I waved and chopped my tomahawk through the air.

I feel inclined to mention that that may be the worst picture I've ever taken. It's got spirit though. Lots of spirit. Notice the shaka in the background? The dude behind us was Hawaiian. He LOVED him some Colt Brennan. I also like in this picture how we are clearly not hanging out with Jenna the Patriots fan.

On to the best part of the game. 3rd and goal on the 4 yard line. Campbell drops left and looks. We hold our breathe. No one's open. Campbell keeps his composure and PUMP FAKES THE SHIT OUT OF THE BALL CONFUSING THE HELL OUT OF PATS LB PARIS LENON (ohhh what an idiot you looked like Paris) AND RUNS STRAIGHT INTO THE ENDZONE. He does what now? YOU HEARD ME. TOUCHDOWN BITCHES! Oops, I mean TOUCHDOWN REDSKINS! And... I even saw Jason Campbell crack a smile. Swear on my life I saw a grin. I talked about and re-brought-up that play for the rest of the night, "Did you SEE that!?!" Jason Campbell I am in awe of you. I missed you. War Damn Eagle Baby.

Halftime consisted of drinking, meeting up with friends and a whole lot of, "Did you SEE that!?!" After halftime we didn't go back to our regular seats. We followed JC and Devin to Devin's seats because he said there were open ones around them. I walked straight past the woman checking tickets and just pretended to be deaf and/or stupid (she didn't come after me). These seats were worth it. Home side, 10 yard line, 3 rows up from the field. THREE rows up from the field. Observe:

That's not zoomed in at ALL. Oops maybe it wasn't ten yard line... looks like endzone. Whatever. They were awesome. Randle El ran right past us twice. So close I could have talked to him without even yelling. Incredible.

Side note: What are your thoughts on the new Redskins cheerleader uniforms? Anyone else think they just look like American Apparel?? I kinda miss the old ones.

Back to the game. I'm drunkish and very very happy. Until Colt throws a pick. Dammit Colt. His face (besides being adorable) is the exact opposite of Campbells and not just because he's white and Campbell's black... b/c that's an obvious and I feel retarded even stating it. Brennan shows so much emotion on the field. His face just fell like, "Oh God noooooo! Whhhhy?! Fer real?! Again?!?" Man and then he just got taken down hard trying to stop the rush. I hope he puts on a freagin stellar performance against the Jaguars because I'm sick of people talking about cutting Colt. It's ridiculous. Why would people say such things? He did have a gorgeous touchdown pass in the 3rd. And thank God because he deserved it. 33 yards to Mitchell (who is that kid?!) and it's all tied up at 24.

In my head the game ended at 24. In preseason I don't think that field goals in the last minute and a half should count. So I don't count them. And that was it. I was a little upset that they upset us with one minute left but whoop-di-freagin-doo it doesn't really matter now does it? The Redskins have been flying waaay under the radar so far. ESPN has basically written us off as around a 6-10 team. A 6-10 team. Fer reals. Sports Center never talks about us. It's all Vick this and Favre that and Brady this and Cutler that. GOOD. Ignore us. I cant wait to see your ugly faces when we destroy ALL OF YOU.

Breathe Breathe. Phew. Ok. Now help: What the hell should I do about Brandon Marshall tonight? I have a fantasy draft and he's really pissing me off and stressing me out. Feedback loved and appreciated.


Oh hey want your own "Chris Cooley Is My Life Coach" T-shirt or hoodie? Get em here. They have other awesome gear too. LOTS of other awesome gear. Personal Fav: I Hate Dallas and So Should You


Anonymous said...

cool, just don't pose everything like one kid did....i could punch him right now... :( ur last post was FULL of cursing lol. but thanks.... :) btw, tell your friends. which is your fav vid btw?

Cacawet said...

You're so funny :)
Gonna fell in love with you, AFTER the season ;)

Nomad said...

i am so jealous of you!