To B. Marshall Or Not To B. Marshall

Brandon Marshall... Ohhh Brandon Marshall. You're incredible. You're amazing. I love you.


I honestly just started following you and your career at the beginning of last year. I had heard a lot about you but didn't really start following other teams until I got into... dun dun dunnnn... fantasy football. You screwed me week one. I know, I know, you didn't even play week one. It's my fault really- I should have benched you but I was new to ffb and completely overwhelmed. After that though, on the weeks you played... dude you're ridiculous! Thank you Thank you Thank you. Theblondethatskors is in your debt. Even when Eddie Royal and you played at the same time you put up insane numbers most of the time. Both of you were on my team and, despite everyone telling me it was an awful strategy, I played both of you almost every week after determining through intense research whether you would play or not. It was stressful having you on the fritz like that and I prayed that in the off season you would get back to 100% and be rearing to go in the '09/'10 season.

Having said that... I've been wondering recently... What the fuck are you doing dude?!?!??!! During the depressing months of football off season the last thing I wanna read about is you being a woman beater. WTF?!?!! You're Brandon Fucking Marshall! Brandon Marshall doesn't beat women! That's for pathetic, low-life losers who have no self-esteem and no future! NOT YOU! What are you thinking?! Why are you doing this to your loyal, loving fans not to mention to yourself!

So I've been reading a lot about it and I've learned that you're no stranger to handcuffs. I just don't get how someone in your position can sleep at night or whatever knowing not only do you beat women (NOT ok at ALL) but that you're probably fucking up your NFL career. It's really sad and it makes me wanna cry. For example, you're looking for a trade right now- I saw it on ESPN news the other night. My reactions went as follows...

Reaction 1- "Why does he wanna get traded from the Broncos? First Cutler now B. Marshall?! Is their coach like, a total asshole or something? They could be such an amazing team with all that talent!"

Reaction 2- "Holy. Shit. Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit. The Redskins better fucking get B. Marshall that would be so perfect!!! AHHH YESSS!!! I'd buy his burgundy and gold jersey in like 2 seconds! And we need a WR so bad right now omg, OMG, OMG!"

Reaction 3- "Shit... I forgot he got arrested for beating women again. Dammit. When is that trial? I wonder what's gonna happen after the trial... is he gonna be allowed to play? We cant sign someone and give up draft picks if they aren't even gonna get to play! Fuck this sucks!"

Now I'm torn Brandon. I want you. I really do. I want you to be a Redskin. I believe in you. The run-ins with the law have got to stop though. You just cant have liabilities like that! Think of the endless options you would have without this on your record. Now I have no idea what Snyder's gonna do. I mean, yeah Snyder loves snatching up players like you (thank God) but he might not wanna deal with the shit storm you'd bring. And you would bring quite the shit storm.

Most people I've talked to don't wanna deal with you and your storm and it's the saddest thing I've ever heard. B/c you deserve better and so do your fans. You're Brandon Fucking Marshall and to me that means you're the best of the best. The best of the best have their shit together though. You've got to get your shit together if you're gonna have long-term staying power in the NFL. I would be totally distraught if you went the route of Plaxico or Vick. Please don't do that to me Brandon. Seriously I would probably have a really awful panic attack. I'm worried. I want you to get the best lawyer in the world, sign with Washington and make some fucking moves this season. Make some serious moves. Don't make me regret drafting you to Theblondethatskors this year. Get outta trouble, don't go looking for more trouble and just do what you do best- get that ball and run!! TOUCHDOWN BRANDON MARSHALL!! And the crowd goes wild.

(Mufasa Voice) It IS Time

Pre-season Schedule is out. Regular season schedule coming out on Tuesday. I am PUMPED!! Football is back! Finally! Show Some Skins took a long break in the off season (I get a bit depressed with no football) and I'm really really excited to start writing about football again. GOD I MISSED FOOTBALL!! Football Football Football. Yes Yes Yes. Comments on the Redskins 2009/10 schedule coming Tuesday! =)

Keep It Classy San Diego... & Keep It Coming

I lied.
I'm not going to comment on the 49ers game. For a few reasons...

• I was in Texas. TEXAS. The Skins game was on at the same time as the Dallas vs. Eagles game. What do you think is going to be on in a bar in Texas? They don't really care for Redskins down there. (although they were very nice to me)
• It was over a week ago.. I can't really remember what I did last night. Events that happened a week ago are doomed to be forgotten.
  
• We lost.
• I cried.
• We could have won. Just like every other game we've lost... we should have won it. ugh.
• It was the last game. So depressing.

So I'd rather not harp on it. But it IS still football season technically for the fortunate teams and I refuse to waste my amazing thoughts on football just because my lovers, sorry, I mean just because my team is out of the playoffs. So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna pick a team every week that I think played better in their playoff game than they have all season. And maybe just maybe could make it to the big one.

The Superbowl.

San Diego Chargers
Who would have thought that they would have pulled that off?? Honestly I love the Chargers. If I had been born on the west coast I would be a huge Chargers fan (I do have my allegiances though, being born on the east coast and pledging my football love the the Redskins) So just say the Chargers are my number 2 team (and if you're curious I also love the Broncos... and for some reason I started to like the Jets this year but we all know how farve they went. I know, bad joke. Damn). Annnyways. The 8-8 Chargers just took Peyton and the 9 game winning streak Colts out of contention. And although I've read that Sproles (whose new nickname should be mighty mouse or something more creative along those lines) was exhausted and will be sitting in a tub of ice all week, they looked amazing doing it. They looked tireless and unstoppable. and they did it all, even overtime, without their star LaDainian for the whole second half. I think this deserves a Wow; maybe even a Whoa (think like Joey from Blossom). This is not a one dimensional team. Even their 25th ranked defense looked good. It was the Colts who were getting frustrated and making the flags fly. The Chargers kept their cool and because of that they also kept their hopes alive for the ring all players yearn for.

But the big question now is... Can they beat the Steelers? Not only that but can they beat them without home field advantage (I cringe at the thought of the terrible towels that the wretched Pittsburgh fans love so much. Actually I cringe at the thought of Pittsburgh fans regardless of towels, I hate them). Will the Chargers offense be enough against the impenetrable Steelers defense? The answer... I have no idea. I know, what a shitty answer. But anything can happen (also an obvious) and I cannot WAIT for this game this Sunday. I know I'll be cheering for Rivers, Sproles, Gates and LaDainian to come through in the clutch because if they can put points on the board, I personally don't think that the Steelers will know what hit them. The Chargers have always been underrated. I just hope they can keep it together. I would love to see this team in the Superbowl.

Honorable mention
The Philadelphia Eagles. Well freagin done Eagles. I was rootin for them to win and win they did. The interceptions and blocks were incredible and there were a lot of them. The Eagles defense was ridiculous. Their offense was amazing too. McNabb was definitely in the zone and (side note) he is so adorable when he's giddy like a 5 year old. I hope they can stay healthy and take another Manning out of contention on Sunday. They are completely capable of beating the mighty mighty G-Men (I hate that name) and yes I do think that the Eagles have the look and feel of the Giants of '08. Meaning (what else?...) Superbowl contenders. In honor of the NFC East, I hope they do it. I believe that our conference was the most difficult and talent ridden conference this year and it would be nice to have one of us in the Superbowl. Another side note: Thank God it's not Dallas. I could never cheer for those Cowgirls.

Kicking A Field Goal Is Harder Than It Looks?

Trust me I will be posting about the 49ers game a little later. Right now 1. I don't want to think about it yet and 2. I have an article to finish for work but I couldn't stop myself from responding quickly to a comment left on my blog under That's What We Call A Sweep.

I love love love comments, and this is no exception. Thank you Dating Without Pants for reading my blog, it makes me very happy :) You'll have to read the post and check out the whole comment to completely understand my response but part of it read like this, "making a field goal is much harder than it looks". I agree wholeheartedly. That's why Suisham, Rackers, Longwell, Akers and the rest of them get paid more than my entrepreneurial workaholic dad; it's not easy doing what they do.

But... Football is more than a sport, it's a career. And kicking Field goals and PAT's is their job. Their J-O-B. They know what they're doing, they have done it millions of times. Those 10-20 seconds in the game when they judge the wind, make sure they've stretched enough by kicking the air once, point their arm toward the center of the goal post and finally kick the ball that's magically been placed down in front of them is all they do. They train endlessly for it; this is their moment to shine. And shine they should because most of the time when the kicker runs out onto the Field (unless it's for the PAT) it's not just to gain an extra three points in a landslide victory game, it's to save the game because their team has failed in their attempt to make it into the end zone. Their team needs them.

I'm not cocky or ignorant in my female football love. I know that anyone genuinely interested in a blog centered around football already knows everything I've already written. The real point of this post is really just to show off. So maybe I am a little cocky. ;)

At Fed Ex Field there is something known as 'The Tailgate Club' and I've been lucky enough to have been a part of it once. You can buy wristbands to the this tailgate when you purchase season tickets (if you are so lucky to get to the top of the never ending waiting list for Redskins season tickets-- this stadium is always a sell out crowd). I think it was the last pre-season game that my friend Samson invited me to go with him. I had never been to the tailgate club and I had more fun than a 5 year-old in Candy Heaven.

There was a huge (free) BBQ, a meet and greet with some Redskin cheerleaders, huge replicas of your favorite players bodies with only the head missing so it would seem as though you were the player when you posed behind it, big blow-up Redskins receivers with holes where the football should be so you could try to throw the football into the holes and, of course, a place to kick Field goals. I had to try everything. I had never tried to kick a Field goal before but I did used to be a soccer player and I'm not trying to brag but... I am pretty gifted when it comes to sports.

Sometimes I wish I had been born a boy since opportunities for girls and sports are limited after college (limited meaning there really aren't any) but I love being a girl too much to harp on that wish for too long. God knew what he was doing when he made me. If I had been born a boy I would probably just be blogging now about all the opportunities I let slip me by because I had been too drunk, too rebellious, too lazy or simply not confidant enough to pursue. Let bygones be bygones right?

But I digress.

Back to the point. If a 5'4 115 pound 24 year old can make it on her first try (in flip flops no less)... I stand firm that pro football kickers with years of experience should make it. I'm not looking for perfection but fans should never really have waves of worry wash over them when their teams kicker runs out onto the Field; missing a Field goal should be a rare occurrence. I'm sick of biting my nails (which I hate doing) when Suisham lines up his kick. He's better than that. His paycheck says so.

Wanna see me kick my first Field goal?? Of course you do :)

I would have uploaded it here for you to watch but unfortunately I don't have it saved on my computer since it was taken with Samson's camera. But I made the Myspace video public so hopefully you'll be able to see it.

Other memories from that day...
It took me three tries to throw the ball into Cooley's awaiting arms. The picture was just taken as a fun reminder.

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLEY

Happy girl :)

That's What We Call A Sweep

I knew we could do it. For some reason, the air on Sunday, December 21 felt different. It was cleaner; it was crisper. Somehow I got my hungover ass out of bed. My two friends L and J were also waking up and as we were wiping mascara off from under our eyes (last nights makeup) and throwing on layer after layer of clothing we started to ignore the voices that said Go back to sleep you only got 2 hours last night and you're still drunk and instead started listening to the other loud voices saying FUCK YEAH, TODAY WE PLAY THE EAGLES AND WE'RE GONNA KILL EM! WE GOTTA GET THERE GET THERE GET THERE NOW! (FYI- I guess this is a good time to tell you I hear voices.. not schizo ones.. just ya know.... voices. It's normal)

We get to Fed sEx around 1:45 (game at 4:15), plenty of time to tailgate, make new friends and get wasted. Wait, no, sorry I am already wasted from the bottles of champagne we drank in the car. oops. What can I say, the air was different, we were celebrating early. I, unfortunately, do not have a ticket yet. The fam has season tickets and my dad gave these tickets away to clients. Thanks a lot. So after drinking copious amounts of sweet tea vodka the three of us start to head to the stadium on a mission. L has to pee. Pit stop at port-o-jon. I am consistentley yelling at the top of my lungs "I NEED A TICKET. PLEASE GOD SOMEONE SELL ME A TICKET."

Enter big black man and wife. "I've got tickets"
"SWEET! How much!??"
"Hundred bucks"
"A HUNDRED DOLLARS?!? It's 10 Minutes to game time you crazy! You can't ask for face value this close to game time!"
"I have two"
"Oh, well I only need one"
"No, I said I have two and I'm gonna sell both of em"
(He starts walking away... oh God) "I'LL BUY THEM BOTH!!!"
He stops. He comes back. I start to get suspicious, "Lemme see the tickets."
He pulls them out.

This mans seats were better than our families season tickets. Ironically in the exact same section, only 10 rows down further. I gasp. As I'm reaching for the bill my dad gave me at our company xmas party (thanks daddy), J decides that what we need to do is try to negotiate.

"She'll give you $90"
In my head a light bulb... what a great idea.
Me: "No, I'll give you $80"
J turns and looks at me with dismay, I think its because I didn't take a big enough risk,
"$75"
J shakes her head
Black man looks completely perplexed. "Um, Naw man, It's $100. That's it."
I pout for a second. And then realize I don't give a fuck what the price is. Gimmie those tickets.

I am now on cloud 9 even though J has informed me that I'm the worst negotiator ever. I already knew that, that's why I really never try to negotiate. L is out of the port-o-jon and we're on our way again.

Standing in line at Fed sEx is always fun. No really it is. This is when you see opposing fans that you can heckle and you don't have to sit next to them the whole game. It's great. Highlights from waiting in the mass of people that is the line to get into Fed sEx.
Me behind an eagles fan with a Runyan jersey on, "Hey Loser! Why don't you Runyan ass home!? BC U SUCK!"
His response (He actually laughs, genuine laughter) "Holy shit a funny Redskins fan, that's awesome. That was a good one." Still laughing.

Damn, that's not the usual reaction. I was kinda hoping for a confrontation of some sort. L backs me up and possibly takes it too far when she yells (to no one in particular), "I wanna McStab the fucking Eagles in their fucking Gonads!!! FUCK the Eagles!"

L will actually look around and find the one person in the waiting herd of people that is most offended by her and keep heckling them just for fun. Yeah. Seriously. Chugging our drinks on the way to the ticket line where we are forced to throw them out maybe wasn't the best idea...

Who cares now?! We're inside and this is the first game I brought my tomahawk to. I'm so excited.
We all sit down where my newly purchased tickets are. Well we don't sit, b/c we never ever sit at games. So we're standing.

Where's the Fucking beer man!?? We search for 5 minutes.
SUCCESS! 6 miller lights please. He looks at us... six?
Yeah 6, why... can we get 3 each?
No, apparently we cannot, 2 a person is the limit.
He only has 4 miller lights left.
Worthless beer man. You are not going to talk us out of getting our 6 beers.
We decide to take 4 MLs and 2 BLs.
It's so cold out you can't taste them anyways.
This is taking way too long. I tip too much to make him go away (yet come back often with more Miller Lights)

Kickoff. My heart soars, I feel like I'm high. I'm not... but I am def drunk. And that explains why I don't really know what happened for the rest of the game in any particular sequence. This is the game as I remember...

• Plackemeier does WORK. He makes me jump up and down in my seat. Nice punting Ryan.
• Jason Taylor looks SICK. I knew he was a monster, welcome to the monster show.
• Jason Campbell runs the ball and keeps running. I feel like he is running forever. He isn't, but really huge gain. Also makes me jump up and down screaming "YEA BABY GOOOO!"
• Portis is getting shut down, why is this happening to us?!?!
• Suisham misses the field goal. Well of fucking course he does. I start crying. Yes, CRYING.

Pause. Don't judge. Let me explain. Football is very emotional to me. I could probably explain why but that would take forever so let me just explain instead why I cried at this moment. I love the Redskins, but they usually prove to be a very emotional team. When they have momentum and they're pumped up; they win. When the chips are down and it's not looking good; they lose.

That's just how it's been in my opinion. I wish I could be down on the sidelines with them just pumping them up, but I can't. I have to stay in my seat. And they cant hear me screaming my encouraging words. It's so frustrating. So I cry b/c they just look so damn sad sometimes and the game isn't even half over.

J gets PISSED. "STOP CRYING WE'RE GONNA WIN!"
Me: "I KNOW it's just... it's just... what if they don't turn it around?? We have to win J we HAVE to win! I KNOW we can do it!"
J " WE ARE gonna win! Seriously stop crying. Jesus, L look, she's crying already"
L "Oh My God are you really crying??"
Me "LEAVE ME ALONE!! I HATE SUISHAM!"
L & J say something like, "Ya he fucking sucks balls"

I now decide to go pee. I have had to do this for almost the whole game while drinking ML. Fuck the line in the girls room and the little girl (like 11 years old) who thinks she can cut. I'm feeling empathetic, I let her go ahead. I'm so nice sometimes.

After peeing I walk nack out into the corridor or whatever it's called. I smoke a cig and wonder aloud with a random smoker next to me how long it will take for us to get told not to smoke there (it's a non-smoking area). He shrugs about it being freezing or something, but I wasn't really listening. I continue chatting till I'm done with my cig and say goodbye to my new friend. Making new friends is the best (I'm sure he feels the same way, whatever his name is).

I start walking back into our section and notice that everyone is walking out. I scream to no one in particular, "Whats going on? Where is everyone going?!?!??!!" Someone else hollers, "Honey it's halftime." Shit, I am an idiot. Obviously it's halftime.

Halftime is somewhat uneventful. I smoke cigs at my seat b/c it's so cold no one can tell if it's smoke coming out of your mouth or just your breath. Right before the game starts up again I decide I need some gloves. I am really really cold. Especially my fingers. My fingers feel like they might fall off.

I go to the redskins store.
"I need mittens"
"We don't have any"
"WHAT!?! It's less than 20 degrees with windchill and you have NO mittens!???"
"Sorry"
"Shit Shit Shit. Ok. well. I want a Cooley jersey. One that fits over all the clothes I have on now, and it has to be white." (this was a split second decision. I just wanted to buy something and I remembered during the 1st quarter I screamed at people around me to stop booing or I would kill them and the guy behind me gently reminded me that fans say COOOOOOOOLEY when he catches the ball. I feel like a failure as a fan for not paying closer attention to the game and not knowing when Cooley had the ball b/c I love him: Hence, my jersey purchase) "AND I want that headband, that one, that one there, the big one.. ITS THE ONLY ONE LEFT!"
Oddly the guy behind the counter loves me.
"Hey I see you here a lot."
"Yeah I'm at every game, I smoke cigs in that tunnel when I get yelled at for smoking them in front of the TV"
"yeah, that's you. (he smiles) cool."
He now makes it his job to make me a satisfied customer (at least that's what I tell myself) and it works, he is awesome.

Wearing my super rad new Cooley 47 white jersey I decide its time for more beer. I go up to the nearest vendor. "What kinda beer you got?"
"Sorry Honey, end of third quarter we're closin up."
WHAT!?!?!!!!
"SERIOUSLY!?"
"Fraid so"
"Well HELP me! Where can I buy beer!? I neeed it!"
"Try that bar over there"
Thank GOD for that woman. I Run.
"4 Miller Lights PLEASE!"
"We don't have Miller Light"
"Ok, 4 Whatever Lights" (Does it really matter at the end of third quarter anyways??)
She obliges. Man behind me helps me carry beer to seat. Being a girl is wonderful.
L and J stare at me as I finally return.
L & J "Where WERE you!?? You missed the... (pause) OMG she bought a jersey. Look how big it is!"
J especially loves when I do stupid random things like drunkenly buy a huge men's jersey, or eat everything in her fridge after smoking, or fall on my face while walking... things like that.

I show them beer. They forget momentarily about my drunk wanderings and focus on drinking it.
J "This is the worst Bud Light ever"
Me "Maybe that's because it's Heineken Light"
L busts out laughing
J (trying to save face) "No well, bc it looks like bud light, are you sure its Heini?"
Me "Yup, I saw her pour it, she wouldn't give me the glass bottles" (I can't imagine why not?)

We focus on the game. I even take a video on my phone... OHHH yeah. It's amazing. FUCK the EAGLES!



More of what I remember from the game...

• Suisham makes a field goal. Even I could have made that one.
• JC is having a really really good game. I love him.
• Our defense is actually acting like a defense. Hold on to your balls if you can. (The eagles can't)
• Portis doesn't score... we get nervous... fucking red zone.
  
• PORTIS SCORES!! WE GO WILD!! HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!!! HAIL VICTORY and all that jazz.
• Santana Moss returns a punt, and it's a beaut. And then ya know what? Ya know what?!? Penalty on the Play! Fucking perfect! Typical. And I'm pissed again.
• The eagles don't score a single touchdown.
• My favorite part of the game: Redskins dance. I don't remember what quarter it was in but I distinctively remember seeing the Redskins on the field dancing to the rap music being playing over the loud speakers. Whenever the Redskins start dancing you know they're gonna win. It's the best thing in the world. If any Redskins are reading, please dance more bc I love it. and I love you (not in a creepy way).
  
• The end of the game was a little confusing for some reason. And then we celebrated!! HAIL!

So that's the game as I remember it. The bullet points are in no particular order except for the last one. I also remember kissing the black guy who I usually sit next to at games (this is very very unlike me) I ran up to him in the parking lot, jumped on him, wrapped my legs around him and planted one on him. I'm pretty sure he's in love with me, he keeps texting and asking me out. oops.

I have never been so excited to win. Or maybe it just feels like that since it was the first win against a good team in a WHILE. And I'm so sad that there are no more home games and the seasons almost over. What am I going to do? Next year cannot come soon enough. We're gonna seriously dominate. Our team has Super Bowl written all over them in 2010. You've just gotta believe haha. I'm serious!

HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!

Show Some Pink

Completely off the topic of Football but very relevant to showing skin. The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show aired last night and honestly, who doesn't love the Victoria's Secret Angels?!?
PINK was my personal fav but if you wanna see more just go to Youtube!